Hello,

Thank you for joining us.

 It has been a while. Life and my health needs took me on a detour.

Today was supposed to be a hospital day. When it was cancelled at the last minute I decided the universe was handing me a gift. Instead of lying in a hospital bed I am in my upstairs office (code for bed), awakening News From The Muse.

I will be sharing my thoughts on wellbeing, the mind, living gently with a body that does not cooperate in many physiological ways. Some old posts will be included to give context.

If you are new here, I am Barbara. I have been a hypnotherapist for 34 years. At the moment I am not seeing clients on a one to one basis. In the meantime I have created a range of audio downloads and guided meditations. I also produce written guides and printables to help people with sleep, anxiety, pain, confidence and more.

*Posts from the early 2000s up to now will be reposted; some informative, some amusing and some anarchic on re-reading!

I recently had a ‘slip’. Not a huge strumble trip but a teeny whoops when my walking stick slipped. This jolted me and since then, well, not sure I have the words to say politely. Let us rhyme; ducking bell. Yes, are you with me?

The spasms in my back are so  🦆-ing awful that it hurts to do a full deep breath.. While I am trying to remember to breathe I thought I should follow my own advice and share the old blog post below:

Pain, stress and anxiety attacks affect our breathing. If you get injured or experience an extreme situation the natural inclination is to breathe in sharply and hold your breath. Over time the stress caused by ongoing pain or anxiety creates an extra state of anxiety which can lead to shallow breathing or fear of slower deeper breathing.

Gently try out these two techniques. Never strain or over-hold.

Counting techniques

1. In your mind, count (see, imagine, sense) backwards from 100, rhythmically in time with your breathing, and relax a little with each number. You might like to say to yourself after each number, 'relax', 'deeper and deeper', 'calm' or a word that you associate with being relaxed. Do this until you lose count or forget where you've got to and can't be bothered to start over.

2. Count to yourself: 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 over and over and try to prevent thoughts nipping in between the numbers. If they do manage to squeeze in, say the numbers quicker so they are closer together. The aim is to only have the numbers in your head with big gaps between them, but it may happen that you forget where you are or forget to remember to count.

With each just practice for a little while. 

Barbara x

Why are we told to be kind to each other but not to ourselves? How is it that we can be shockingly mean with our self-talk with things we wouldn’t dream of saying to anyone else?

Do you feel lazy or self-indulgent if you rest, take part in calming pursuits or seek out peace? Why do we not practise self-gentleness?

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I noticed that as my mobility became more restricted I pretended (fibbed) that things were better than they were. Often it was the thought of not ‘giving in’ or that I could always rest after doing anything if I was in pain rather than either not do it, or prepare better while taking things gently.

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It seems I am not the only one. Do you know anyone; maybe yourself, who gets poorly when on holiday, has headaches at the weekend, gets regular bouts of IBS, has trouble sleeping etc. All these things are symptoms of stress, over-doing, chronic pain and not being kind to oneself.

We are told to push through, feel the pain - all or nothing. Kill or cure. Why are we creatures of extremes? I’ll keep going, I can sleep when I’m dead.

Oh look, here comes the devil to check out those idle hands.

What about people who pretend to be busy for fear of being judged as lazy? Then there is the fear of saying ‘no’ to not let people down or to be regarded as unhelpful.

Why is our language such? Why can the story be flipped but not our responses or actions? As in all work no play ~ deep down we know it but life does not lend itself to gentleness. We, therefore, must create it ourselves in any way that works. 

To lead a gentle life you probably need to move, change job, eliminate toxicity: all good advice but, for most, not practical and the stress of knowing what to do while being unable to is debilitating.

Maybe slowly, gently (ha) allow some gentleness into your life. We all know what we should be doing:

Lagom is a Swedish word meaning "just the right amount" or "not too much, not too little". The word can be variously translated as "in moderation", "in balance", "perfect-simple", "just enough", "ideal" and "suitable". Wikipedia

Hygge is a word in Danish and Norwegian that describes a mood of coziness and "comfortable conviviality" with feelings of wellness and contentment. Wikipedia

Niksen is a Dutch verb which means "doing nothing", which can be roughly translated as "nixing". It has been explored as a method to combat work-related health problems such as stress and burnout. Wikipedia

What can be done to switch on your gentleness?

Practicalities aside:

• Practise just being 

• Trust your instincts 

• Celebrate 

• Remember to self-praise

• Keep your inner talk soft

​Take care x